Monday, February 25, 2008

Post-Oscars

I didn't do too well with my predictions. 13 out of 24. Good thing I'm poor and had no money to enter an Oscar pool. A few observations and questions...

-- I've been reading a lot of Stewart-haters online, but I thought he did a good job.
-- The binocular montage made me chuckle.
-- Favorite line of the night: "That guy is so arrogant," after Glen Hansard's humble acceptance speech. Very awesome of them to bring Marketa Irglova back out after being cut-off. So glad they won.
-- I really want a Wii.
-- I always forget Gladiator won "Best Picture" in 2000. Probably best to pretend like it never happened.
-- Forest Whitaker seemed kinda handsy with Marion Cotillard, who is way hotter than I thought.
-- Roger Deakins should've won for either of his nominations.
-- Did we almost see Diablo Cody's vagina?
-- Is Helen Mirren the hottest 62 year old ever?
-- Why do I enjoy such a boring telecast so much?

Anyway, I thought it appropriate to post this sketch, "I Drink Your Milkshake," from this past weekend's SNL (which was pretty funny). One of the many reasons why Bill Hader is awesome can be seen right here:

Friday, February 22, 2008

And The Winner Is...

Hi all. I'm blogging from my phone because a certain someone borrowed my laptop tonight, so I'll get right to the point here.

My predictions are in bold below. They're who I think will win, not who I think should.

Leave your predictions in the comments!

PICTURE: No Country For Old Men
If Juno wins, then so help me God, there will be blood.

DIRECTOR: Coen Brothers
Done deal. And rightfully so.

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Juno
Michael Clayton deserves it though.

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: No Country For Old Men
Fo sho.

ACTOR: Daniel Day-Lewis
I know I'm in the minority, but I thought There Will Be Blood was way overrated. It was ok, like Gangs of NY ok, but definitely not "Best Picture" great. Ebert explains why much better than I could. I also agree with this post, but DDL is clearly a lock here.

ACTRESS: Julie Christie

SUPPORTING ACTOR: Javier Bardem
Casey Affleck gets my vote though. You're welcome, Casey.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Ruby Dee
I'll probably regret not putting Blanchette, but Swinton deserves it imho.

Click below for my full predictions.


FOREIGN LANGUAGE: Counterfeiters

ANIMATED FEATURE: Ratatouille

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: No End In Sight

ANIMATED SHORT: Peter & the Wolf

LIVE ACTION SHORT: Le Mozart des Pickpockets

DOCUMENTARY SHORT: Freeheld

ORIGINAL SCORE: Atonement

ORIGINAL SONG: "Falling Slowly" (Once)

ART DIRECTION: Atonement

CINEMATOGRAPHY: No Country

COSTUME DESIGN: Atonement

MAKEUP: La Vie en Rose

VISUAL EFFECTS: Transformers

FILM EDITING: No Country

SOUND MIXING: Transformers

SOUND EDITING: Transformers

Thursday, February 14, 2008

6 Best & Worst Songs I've Made Out To (With Real Live Women) (Not Involving A Nightstand Donation)

Hello friends, hope it's not too late to say Happy Valentine's.

Last year, I posted a VD Is For Lovers/VD Is For Leavers mix. This year, I present to you my top six best and worst songs that have unintentionally soundtracked a sexual experience in my lifetime. Not a lot of sexual experiences here, so we're pickin' from a small pool, folks.

Now, before you look at the list and shout "Why isn't Marvin Gaye on here? You suck!" Or "I can't believe you left off Ace of Base!" First, take a deep breath and calm the eff down. Then re-read the subject line and remember this isn't a list of all-time greatest make-out songs. That would take way too long to compile, and I am very, very lazy.

So, that being said... click the “continue reading” link below for the list.

THE SIX BEST

Now, these aren't songs that played from a "set the mood" mix I purposefully turned on to seduce past ladies (all three of you). While I have done that often, and without much success, these six are serendipitous songs.

Tracks that, by the grace of God, happened to turn on when I pressed play before hurrying to the almost unconscious girl lying in my magic factory (my bed). Songs where, as soon as I heard the first note, I immediately thought in my head, the small one, "oh hells yes," and I became a sexual ninja. For a good three to four minutes.

If any of these six songs come up while you're getting hot and heavy, make sure to “suit up the soldier” because this is baby-making music. As made evident by my six, healthy children.

6) "This Modern Love" – Bloc Party
[buy album] [myspace] [more tracks]
A great build-up musically. Lyrically, it urges the other to “eat up my sadness” (my wee-wee and sadness are pretty much synonymous) and then it adds, “jump on, enjoy, and gorge away.” Bloc Party, thanks for helping me throw a party in my pants.

5) "6 Underground" – Sneaker Pimps
[buy album] [more tracks]
Liam Howe said in an interview that this song is about "not being able to creatively express yourself in a very small town...being restricted to the point of being buried." Hot. Regardless, I think everyone’s made out to this song at some point?

4) "I Want Someone Badly" – Jeff Buckley
[buy album] [myspace] [more tracks]
This track makes even pleasuring yourself a spiritual, transcendent experience. It’s why I look forward to Friday nights. And Saturday nights. And most Sunday mornings. So, when a lonely lady was added to the mix… well, sweet sassy molassy!

3) "Everlong" - Foo Fighters
[buy album] [myspace] [more tracks]
This song seems to be a fav "make out song" for many. But it gets a bit tricky when coupled with fornication. You see, I'm already focusing all my energies on lasting as long as I possibly can, but now Dave Grohl's got her thinking, "You've got to promise not to stop when I say when." Which, quite frankly, is NOT a promise I'll be able to keep. I'll have stopped long, long, everlong before she says when. However, if the song kick starts during foreplay, as was the case in my experience, then you should be okay. By the time you get to the main event, she'll have realized your lack of sexual prowess, and her expectations will have lowered back to manageable standards. As was the case in my experience.

2) "Only In Dreams" - Weezer
[buy album] [myspace] [more tracks]
I think for most people my age, hearing anything off The Blue Album takes you back to a much more innocent, carefree time. When everything was new and exciting. Every kiss cherished, every dry-hump a blessing. So hearing this twelve years after its release while under the covers with a lady of similar age, sweaters were definitely undone.

1) "Lovesong" - The Cure
[buy album] [myspace] [more tracks]
Amazing song, one of their best, but this could’ve been bad. I've found that Cure songs usually remind most girls of an ex. At least it did with this one girl. A couple tears were shed, not by me you smartass, and I thought the opportunity was lost. But nay, I underestimated the poon-power of Robert Smith. After a few "whenever I'm alone with you"s, things were back in business in a big way. Sure, she probably wasn't thinking of me every time Smith sang "I will always love you," but hey, whatever it takes. Regret, revenge, guilt: all friends of Sonny Lee.

P.S. I am still with this girl.
P.P.S. I am a horrible person.


THE SIX WORST

These are six songs that have jumped out of the iTunes like a thief in the night, plunging a knife deep into my loins and robbing me of my dreams, aka my hands on her boobies. Tunes where, upon hearing the first note, I immediately leapt out of bed and lunged for the stop button, but not before said booby-owner figured out the title and decided to not only never make out with me again, but never speak to or look at me as well. I won't be posting these songs because a) I deleted them and b) I don't want to pass on the aural herpes (thank you).

6) "Liquid Dreams" - O-Town
You would think a song called "Liquid Dreams" by a group named O-Town would help you in your sexual endeavors. Nope.

5) "Rock Me Amadeus" - Falco (collegiate a cappella version)
Unless your name's Amadeus, you really don't want this song to play in the presence of a female. And even if your name is Amadeus, like my future son, then you still don't want the collegiate a cappella version to play.

4) "Rainbow Connection" - Kermit The Frog
Go to your iTunes library right now and delete any song sung by a puppet. I don't care how sexy you find the "Mah Nah Mah Nah" song, just trust me and delete damn it!

3) "Bitches Ain't Shit" - Ben Folds (Dr. Dre cover)
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks, so lick on these nuts and suck the dick.
Not quite Shakespeare. I'm pretty sure misogyny is not one of your lady's turn-ons, it certainly wasn't in my experience. But if it is, well, she's a keeper!

2) "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" - Simba, Zazu and Nala (Lion King soundtrack)
Studies show that Disney soundtracks are the number one cause of erectile dysfunction in America. I can confirm.

1) "Invisible" - Clay Aiken
Sigh. This list was a big mistake.

So... what are some of your most and least memorable make-out songs? Leave a comment!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Yay